In a perfect world, every conversation would go exactly the way you intended. In a perfect world, every joke would land perfectly with a chorus of laughter and no hurt feelings. In a perfect world, the relationship with your best friend would be filled with hugs, kisses, and candy crush candies (the two chocolate balls with sprinkles). But the reality is, in friendships, feelings will get hurt and disagreements will happen. Especially the longer and more closely you know a person, the more likely someone will get in their feelings from things said and done. Take my Besties, for example. Our bestie-ship extends the past twenty (plus) years. We have shared high school, college, marriage with kids, and even divorce. They know and love me better than pretty much everyone (other than my momma). But every now and again, people catch feelings and besties beef. As I’ve journeyed with my Besties, I have learned (and am still learning) some lessons about how to handle situations that go left.
Relax, Relate, Release... Nah, switch that! Release, Relate, Relax
In disagreements, it’s key to approach it calmly and soberly. But, first things first, get it out! Release! Rant, bitch, moan, scream, yell, but put limits on it (It’s a short road to pettyville)! Find a good sounding board (maybe it’s bae, or a level headed third party), but someone you can tell your side to, that will listen, and offer productive insight. (Sidenote: Stay off social media! Keep your indirect/direct status updates in your own head.) Now, once it’s out, relate. Try to find ways to connect to how your friend might be feeling. Put yourself in their shoes. How did your actions contribute to the quarrel? Maybe throwing shade jokingly at bestie’s boo of 4 days was too soon…even if he did just got out the pen.Then, relax. Center your mind, calm your energy, and plan some time to talk to your bestie, and get to the bottom of things.
Face the Dragon
Now, it’s going to be awkward and maybe weird, but waiting too long will really make it weird. So, go to the bakery and order a slice of their finest HUMBLE pie and get all those emotions out. Be blunt! Be specific! Don’t sugar-coat, or talk around the issue. No blaming (use I statements), and no yelling. Listen (really listen), without judgment. Just recently, I had a tiff with bestie Ryan. In our come to Jesus conversation, I listened without interrupting, acknowledged my part in our disagreement, and apologized. I let her know that I care about her. Right or wrong, I told her she is a necessary part of my life. I wanted her to hear my heart. Now, one conversation didn’t solved all our problems, but it cleared the air and put our friendship (not our disagreement) at the forefront (where it belongs).
Let That Ish Go!
You’ve done some reflecting. You’ve talked it out. You’ve hugged it out. Now you’ve got to let it go. Apologize, mean it, and move on, Martha, move on. Don’t bring it up in some passive aggressive way at brunch. No side eyes! Even if it’s still raw, and not fully genuine, fake it til’ you make it. Your bestie will recognize your ability to start the healing process, and ultimately join you in that fight. And before you know it, you two will be running in a field of flowers, hand in hand, again!
How do you handle bestie beefs? I’d love to hear! Share in the comments!
Love without FEAR,