The Waiting Place

 

One of my all-time favorite books is Dr. Seuss’ Oh the Places You’ll Go.  It is an inspiring poem that more so connects to adults although it is a children’s book.  The over-arching message is one of redemption.  Regardless of life’s challenges, you are going great places far and wide. But what I love most about this liberating tale is how honest it is about life’s journey.  In the portion of the story I quoted above, it discusses the “The Waiting Place”.

There are high moments in life.  Happiness is everywhere.  Everything is showing up sunny.  Blessings are boundless, and things are going your way.  Then, there are the quiet seasons.  The waiting seasons where it is silent and still. Feelings of loneliness are insurmountable.  With nothing but your thoughts, your mistakes, and yourself, you are forced to face all the consequences of your choices.  You are forced to wait for the next big thing that may or may not come.  What does one do?  How does one cope?

The “sunny-side up” in me is going to sell you on the positives of the waiting place, because that’s my job (insert smiley emoji), but not before I honestly fill you in on the realities of this very humbling place.  It sucks.  It sucks ass. You feel defeated and deserted…helpless.  It, however, can be a very empowering place.  Yes, empowering was the right word choice.  As a waiting place pro, I speak from experience.  The waiting place most times is necessary, and here is why:

 

 

  • The waiting place gives you something that can be seen as a blessing and a curse (depending on how you use it).  Time.  Time to grieve the old.  Time to plan your next move.  Time to reflect.  Time to rest. Time to be still.  Time to rebuild.  Facing yourself is never easy, but it is the only way you can see the things that need to change which will only make you stronger and wiser.  The waiting place gives you time to do just that.

 

  • It forces you to change paths.  Now the waiting place can be painfully brutal, but it is often far better than the path that led you there.  The waiting place, in some ways, saves you from continuing a painful situation.  It protects you from further damage. It removes you.

 

  • The waiting place opens you to possibilities you may not of otherwise been open to.  A friend of mine lost her job (the job was horrible, and she needed to change paths, for sure).  She is now in the waiting place.  But the amazing thing is now she is open to, and looking for jobs that she wouldn’t of otherwise looked for.  Jobs out of state.  Jobs that are befitting of her qualifications.  Jobs that she probably wouldn’t of considered a year ago.  When you are not tied to anything, you are open to everything.  The waiting place helps you see all the opportunities ahead of you and plan for the future you want.

 

So, whether you are waiting on the next job, or the next relationship, or the next 10 pounds to lose, or the next opportunity, know that there is a divine and vital reason for being there.  Find the lessons in the waiting place, so you don’t repeat the mistakes.  Find the peace in the waiting place, so that you can bring joy, light, and a whole self in life’s next stage.  Know that the waiting place is temporary.  You won’t be there forever because just like Dr. Seuss says, “you’re off to great places”!

 

Have you ever been in the waiting place?  Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below.  I would love to hear from you!

 

Love WITHOUT Fear,

Veronica

Bag Lady

 

“Bag Lady, you gon’ hurt your back…dragging all them bags like that.” – Erykah Badu

Relationships (friendship, business-ships, etc.) can be tough.  Sometimes, very tough.  It’s very easy to point the finger, and so much harder to look in the mirror.  As I journey through life and love, more and more I see my own shortcomings.  Now, I may look like I have it all together, dressed to impress, smiles on fleek, but…I have baggage.  Tons of it.   Hurt from my past, opportunities loss, insecurities, doubt.  If I am very honest with myself (and now the world), these flaws have, at times, kept me stagnant professionally and personally.  After all, it is much easier to push people away than it is to face your own feelings.  This is who I am, dammit!  You can love it, or leave me alone!  So, excuse me while I keep my emotional fortress intact.

 

 

Now, that plan would work fine if I could continued this life on a one-woman island, but where’s the growth there?  Holding on to the past and self-destructing behavior(s) keeps you safe, but they will also potentially keep you single, sad, and stationary.  Know that EVERYONE has baggage…everyone!  Stepping out of your comfort zone to manage your baggage enables you to discover the person you want to be and become it!  A while ago, I began the work to clean out the physical baggage in my home (read about it here). Now, emotional baggage?!? It’s your turn!

 

 

1.    Find out what’s in your bags.  Take a moment (and a dose of the strongest truth serum) and write down all the things that trouble you.  Include every thought or action that stresses you or brings you down.  Be open to whatever comes to mind.

2.    Find the source.  Take each stressor you listed, and think back to where you got the baggage.  Were you cheated on in a previous relationship? Have you experienced abandonment from a parent or relative?  Recognize the source, and move on!

3.    Find the GOOD in the bad.  Keeping the source of the baggage in mind, think of a good thing that came from each of those bad experiences.  For example, I have been cheated on in a previous relationship.  That loss of trust eventually was the demise of the relationship, BUT, in that relationship, I learned to be self-sufficient and independent.  The relationship (while painful) literally grew me up!  Find the “but” in your baggage.  This will empower you to become the victor of your painful past, and not the victim.

4.    Create counters for negative thoughts.  Now, you know what is in your bags, and you know how they got there. Use the positives you found to create specific and concrete affirmations.  I also loooove quotes!  Anything that will speak life into your “baggy” moments.  Write them down.  Post them in places you will see them often.  “Be Mary Jane” and post that shit everywhere…at work, in the bathroom, in the car.  

 

 

5.    21 days.  That’s how long it takes to form a habit, and that’s consecutive days.  This is a marathon, not a sprint.  Your baggage may never leave, but you can develop structures to prevent it from impeding your promising future…with time and patience.  So, be consistent and persevere.  Find an accountability partner to do self-check-ins with, or track your own progress through journaling.  

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The relationship you have with yourself is the MOST important relationship you will ever have.  Do the work, and lighten your load, bag lady.

How do you handle emotional baggage?  Let me know in the comments, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts. 

Love WITHOUT Fear,

Veronica