Being a woman is hard. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Often times, not by choice, we are placed in situations where we have to “figure it out”, and we do just that without breaking a sweat. We handle it, get it done (well done!), and worry later. Being a black woman is hard. As Poppa Pope would say, “you have to work twice as hard to be thought of as half as good.” Being strong-willed, confident, and independent are required for survival, let alone success. You are always needing to consider "plan B", the next step, the way out.
Heartbreaks from past relationships don’t help either. Many women have “submitted” in their relationships, only to be dumped or deceived. After believing and investing in their mate, they’re left high and dry. And if you’re that woman that hasn’t experienced this, surely you've heard some horror stories from your woman tribe. Trusting that someone else will correctly and consistently guard your heart goes against all that you’ve learned or experienced...especially the longer it takes to find someone that will. It can create an “I DON’T NEED A MAN” attitude.
Recently, I read a meme in a conversation thread with a very opinionated black man (who shall remain nameless). It talked about independent women…independent single women to be exact. It described how being single and independent over a period of time is detrimental in the context of a relationship. Women who are TOO independent (according to this meme) drive men away because essentially that don’t need them. Now, while I am “all the women who independent, throw your hands up at me” and “girls run the world”, I could see how this frame of thinking could cause conflict in a relationship. Men, and women alike, crave to be needed and appreciated. And if there is no NEED the other person fulfills, why are they there? In my own experiences in relationships, I’ve noticed how being single and independent for a long time has changed me. I have this “I’ll do it” mentality. Carry 500 bags up the stairs? I’ll do it. Reaching the bowl that is 20 feet high, and I’m 5’1’’ with no ladder? I’ll do it. Stranded because your car broke down (again) and you need to figure out how to get home? I'll do it. Work through my insecurities and fears? I’ll do that too. Without even thinking to ask for assistance or opinion, I just do it because I’ve had to just do it for a long time. And, low key, I fear becoming dependent and being let down. But the message that might send is I don’t need or want help, and deep down, I DO! Why else would I even date?
Might dating an independent woman require softening some rough edges? Probably so. Could I inadvertently step on your man toes from time to time? Its very possible. Might I need time and patience to learn how to relinquish a little bit of my self-sufficiency (because no woman should EVER give up all their power; personal opinion)? Abso-FREAKING-lutely. It requires someone strong and determined enough to step up to the plate. And, I think the right someone will do just that!
Are women too independent? Let me know what you think! I would love to hear from you in the comments below!!
Love WITHOUT Fear,