It all started with a haircut…
Reeling from a break-up, I wanted a change. I needed a change. Hiding behind the direction of others, I felt like I wasn’t living for me, afraid of living a life of my choosing. In a lot of ways, I didn’t even know the life I wanted to choose. I decided that 2017 would be the year I figured it out, my Year Without Fear (read about how clueless I was about the crazy year I was about to have). Challenging myself to fearlessly try new things, and believe in the impossible. For me, at that moment, that was just a haircut! That’s it! That’s all! Be very careful of what you ask...the Universe is listening!!! I didn’t know it then, but my fears (and tears) would be challenged in ways I never could have imagined! Unbeknownst to me, I was about to take an amazing ride full of great highs, lows, lessons, and blessings.
Presents aren’t always wrapped perfectly.
I learned I was expecting…a human! While I always knew I wanted children, I definitely didn’t plan or expect to be become pregnant this year. A time that should have been filled with excitement and joy was filled with fear and sorrow. Would I be able to raise a daughter as a single parent? Would I be able to still fulfill my own dreams with a child? As the weeks progressed, she grew and so did the realities of the new life I faced. I would be a mom…forever! I couldn’t undo it. As her presence in my body became more apparent, I realized the everyday miracles of a little life that (for reasons I still don’t know) chose me to be her mom. What a privilege! My pregnancy was the cornerstone of my year, and it was incredible! It opened my mind and heart to be fearless in other decisions. Welcoming my baby girl in December revealed a peace I never knew existed. It exposed a new purpose for living, and boy did it make me fearless.
All I have to do is commit.
I started swim lessons. At the beginning of every lesson, I had to talk myself into it! I committed myself to Just Keep Swimming. In time, the techniques I learned started to make sense. I was learning to swim! By the end of November, I felt comfortable swimming in the deep end of the pool. What a feat! It proved to me that some fears require some time and practice, and conquering them are as possible as your commitment.
Just take the first step.
Knowing I would be adding to my household, my mother suggested that I consider buying a home. I was completely reluctant! I had enough on my plate, and (in the words of my grandma Ruby) nobody ever fell out of a house! I went to view the property and only saw the work it needed. I didn’t feel I was financially or physically prepared to purchase a home and move while pregnant! Sometimes opportunities present themselves when you don’t feel you’re ready. When something is meant for you, taking the first step is all you need to do, and things will come together. So, I took the step. By October, with a lot of help, I was moved in with some renovations already complete. God is good!
I can do anything!
The greatest test of being fearless was definitely giving birth. (Sidenote: there is a much longer post coming about my birth story…because it was that terrifying and amazing!) This experience took my emotions to places I have never even imagined. It exposed an inner strength I didn’t even know I possessed. It was completely imperfect. Nothing like I planned, but in conquering this experience, I know now that I am capable of achieving any goal. And when it was all said and done, a mommy was born! Wow! What a beautiful way to culminate the year.
As I reflect on this past year, I am so grateful. I saw many low places, and shed many tears, but I made it. Let me clarify. I made it ON TOP! A new home, a new life. and many new lessons. I learned to trust myself. I learned to lean on others. I learned to create my own happiness. I learned to embrace the process. I learned to believe. If I can achieve all these things in one year…the future is limitless! And I am ready for whatever there is in store!
How was your 2017? What is the title of your 2018?
Love Without Fear,