The dating game. More like a struggle bus...and my short ride to Fed Up Avenue came quicker than expected.
I actually wrote this a long time ago, but after a recent conversation about dating woes with one of my friends, I felt the need to share. Now I know why dating is referred to as a game. It's a hard one for us ladies for sure and when you haven’t been in it for a decade, it’s more like being thrown on the court in the middle of the championship game and you just figured out how to dribble yesterday 🤦🏾.
Initially, I was ready to play with a feeling of excitement in the air. Visions of the “Living Single” life and being fancy free. Picking out outfits and scrolling through options of fine, eligible men like I was the black Carrie on Sex in the City.
In a matter of a couple dates, my scoreboard for dating adventures went from “what fun!” to “wtf!?!” real quick.
First is the realization of slim pickings available to even attempt to put together a starting line up.
From those few, there are the men who think inappropriate messages or pics in my DMs are supposed to be decent first moves to catch my attention. The men who think texting is the only form of communication to get to know someone (how about you pick up the phone and call), suggesting netflix & chilling for the first date (ummm...absolutely not), thinking Uber is a chauffeur service (how about you make the effort to come pick me up) or asking to cash app half of the dinner bill when you tell him this isn't working out and you'd rather not waste his time (ninja what!?! boy, bye).
And this is just the tip off. There’s also the ones who don’t know the value or definition of consistency. Or, you discover that you’re honey dip #9 on his menu.
Is this what dating has come to? What is really going on?
There's a smorgasbord of beautiful ladies men can choose from and we're over here in the Game of Thrones trying to get and KEEP their attention. It's a mess. Too much of one for me to stay in it.
My intention is not to male bash because there are good men out here - I'm just convinced they're hiding under a bleacher somewhere and choose to come out when they feel like it (lol). I can only speak from experience, which happens to be very similar among my groups of female friends. If you decide to stay in this game, we MUST do better on our end.
Don't settle for mediocrity ladies! Men get away with a lot of these shitnanigans only because there are women who allow them to . Don't accept BS for the sake of having a man. Require respect in order to be treated that what. He'll either step up to the plate or move on.
Don't expect him to read your mind. This only complicates things. Have realistic expectations and more importantly, know what it is that you want out of man. Communicate your intentions so that it's clear from the jump. And listen to his response - believe it when he tells you he's not looking for a relationship!
Be ok with walking away. Know that you are too valuable to only be an option. It may hurt but be willing to give him the dueces if you know it's ultimately not what you want. You gotta make space for what's to come.
I may be preaching to the choir but if so...can I get an “amen?”
A while back I decided to get out of the dating game and chose to focus on other areas of my life instead. Because I figured, I could do bad all by myself (lordt, I’m starting to sound like a Tyler Perry movie).
The bright side is, once I focused on making me a better person, things changed for the better...but that's another post.
Got any other dating advice to share with the besties? Leave it in the comments below!