“I can’t fake humble just cause your ass is insecure.” ~ The Great Kung Fu Kenny (Kendrick Lamar)
I typically write about fashion, hair, or weight loss. I’m going to pivot a bit and talk about this idea of women needing to be humble to be likable. I fall victim to it all the time. I work my ass off, I am an awesome mom and great wife, I do my professional job and I do it well, I exercise and eat right (most of the time lol), I maintain relationships with family and friends all while keeping my twist out popping. Am I perfect? HELL no! But do I work hard for the things that I feel like are accomplishments in my life? Yes, the fawk I do. But yet, I struggle with celebrating growth because I have been trained to act humble. As a woman, I often find myself stuck between praising the things I have accomplished and muting my abilities to preserve my likability. If you tout too much, you are an attention seeker. If you constantly minimize, you lack confidence. Fawk all that!
Women should celebrate our growth, our sacrifices, our beauty and our being as loudly as we want! Here are 5 ways I will stop killing my successes, we all define success differently, and start to relish what others see in me as well as what I see in myself.
1. Celebrate my accomplishments. Man, have you ever met someone who likes to rain on parades because they don’t like life? “Why are you celebrating a new job?” Ma’am, because I worked hard to get this opportunity. There is no hard and fast rule book on what is deemed an accomplishment and what is celebration worthy. If you worked hard for it and want to pat yourself on the back, do it!
2. Affirm compliments. There are times where I deflect a compliment because it feels self-centered to fully accept it. A few months ago, a colleague shared that they enjoyed a training I facilitated. You know what I said? “Thanks but it wasn’t all me, I will share your sentiments with XYZ.” What I should have said was, “thanks, I worked hard on that so I appreciate your feedback.” I built it, practiced for engagement, and facilitated it flawlessly. I’M TAKING MY PROPS!
3. Acknowledge my sacrifices. As a mom, wife, sister, friend, professional and so on, I downplay the sacrifices I make because they are "things I am supposed to do." Being a parent is real live hard work. The hardest job I will ever have is ensuring that my babies are happy, self-reliant, critical thinkers who know their worth. I gladly make sacrifices from my family but that does not mean that I should ignore them and write them off as standard mommy sacrifices. If I can't appreciate them then who will? Most times, singing your praises isn't about others but solely about you. About you acknowledging the expansion in your life and the things that make YOU proud.
4. Really receive appreciation from others. I like to laugh, a lot. So naturally when someone gives me a compliment I tend to find a way to joke about it. Mainly because I am awkward in those situations so I instantly go for my safety net which is laughter. This prevents me from fully receiving and appreciating what someone else may see in me. Sometimes we need the words of others to realize the potential we have.
5. Shine a light on my growth. For me, this is different from celebrating accomplishments. Have you ever been in a room with people that made you not want to be fully you? I know I have. There have been times where I won’t mention my education, my role within my company, the fact that Besties and Brunch is making waves, etc. all to avoid the infamous “oh, she think she’s the shit.” When in actuality, I do think I’m the shit but I also think you are the shit. Let’s be shitty together!
As Unc Jay Z said, “Sometimes you need your ego, gotta remind these fools who they effin’ with.” Ladies, it is ok to lose your humble at times. We work hard to be who we are, celebrate all of that and more!