Life is a complicated game of “what the fuck now?” But often times those moments are spawned by things that we had control over, but neglected, decided to ignore, or hoped would go away. I was talking to Veronica over dinner recently and I asked her “Why you? What is it about you that placed you in that situation?” She looked at me and with the most sincere of expression said, “That’s a great question.” So that conversation got me to thinking. Do we ask ourselves the right questions? Do we recognize when things need to be re-calibrated so that we can lessen the “wtf now” moments? Do we learn from the things that we go through or are we so blinded by them (especially love) that we can’t see beyond it? How do we do better in relationships, work, with our family, and most importantly with ourselves? Here are 3 things that I do because I want to be more self-aware and make changes when needed.
Recognize The Patterns in Your Life. Relationships and dating are hard enough without repeating the same BS time and time again but we do and we do it often. STOP IT! If you feel like people constantly misunderstand you, why is that? Are you vague because you don’t like confrontation so you skim over things but thought you were direct enough? Do you ensure that the person understands what you are saying? When you are the common denominator in situations with similar outcomes, you have to ask yourself some hard questions because it is unlikely that anyone else will.
Be Self-Reflective. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT, ask yourself the hard questions if you are unwilling to have an honest look at yourself. Self-reflection requires eating a piece of humble pie at times and saying, “Self…. You need to do better.” Know your strengths and your weaknesses. In my profession, my strength is finessing messages to make them sound more palatable. My weakness is I care what people think; which impacts the way I react to things and is one of the reasons why I am so good at crafting softer messages. But sometimes there is a need to be blunt and straight to the point. Knowing that about myself allows me to check myself when needed. “You know what? Fuggggg that more palatable message, give it to them straight cause they ain’t getting it.” I have saved myself quite a bit of time by knowing when to shift my approach.
Get a “No, Not Today” Buddy. Accountability is hard so it may be helpful to identify a friend that will hold your feet to the flames. Tell them exactly want you are striving for and check in with them consistently. “I no longer wanna date nothing ass men.” This friend should be the samurai warrior that cuts messages so clean and crisp that you don’t get it twisted. Someone that has your best interest at heart. I have to say this too… At the end of the day, you are responsible for you despite a “no, not today” buddy’s thoughts. You have to feel like you are making decisions that are best for your growth. Move out of your own way.
What are some other ways you have worked to do better? We all have room to grow so please share!