“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” -David Richo
This is probably the most difficult post I have had to write thus far. Particularly because “mental health’ is not something people talk about openly and I am really getting ready to tell y’all my business. Being completely vulnerable is new and scary. Here goes…
I just went through a breakup about two months ago with a man who I love and still consider a good friend. The breakup process took a toll on me because our lives were truly intertwined. We lived together, we have the same circle of friends for the most part, and we actually liked each other (You have people in your life you love but don’t like; NO we actually like each other). However there were individual issues that were interfering with our relationship, so we had to part ways.
So we made the decision. The next step was for me to find an apartment. I think I cried at every apartment viewing. I cried when I signed my lease, and I cried when I picked up my keys. It was awful. But the worst part was actually packing my things and moving out. It was only by the grace of God that I got through that process. I would breakdown every five minutes and every time I did, my ex-boyfriend would come and console me. It was so heart breaking for the both of us.
Needless to say, I was stressed out, overwhelmed, angry, and sad. My whole aura was negative. It was suggested that I talk to a professional who could help me wrap my head around all these emotions I was feeling. One of my girlfriends recommended her therapist and so my journey to a better me began March 7, 2016. It was my first time seeing a therapist for myself and I didn’t know what to expect. I was getting ready to open the flood gates and tell a complete stranger everything that was happening in my life….YIKES!
My first session was very emotional, eye opening and AMAZING!!! As soon as I sat down my therapist asked “Why are we here?" Very straight forward, no small talk, let’s get down to business, I LOVED that! Down and dirty. So I started talking…. And I have been talking for the last three months. Mary (my therapist) DOES NOT hold back. She is not like most therapists that just sit back and listen. My therapist is LEGIT! She calls me on my bullsh*t. She makes sure I see the fault I played in my relationship. She encourages me to apologize for my wrong. She builds me up and most importantly she pushes me to live and speak MY TRUTH.
So here are a couple of things I am working on:
So I realized in my relationship, I didn’t always speak my truth and not because I couldn’t, it was that I didn’t. Mostly because I didn’t want to be a “nag” and thought things would work themselves out. “I’ve told him once or twice so he should get it." NO, speak your truth all the time because you are doing yourself and that person a disservice. But I also learned I need to listen and accept other people’s truth as well. (I wasn’t always good about that with my friend ) Now I’m getting better about living my truth in all aspects of my life.
Meditation and Prayer
It was brought to my attention by a good friend that I need to slow down and stop stressing. "You’re really going to give yourself a STROKE!”, he really said that! (He speaks his truth all the damn time). So, I started meditating. Every morning before I step out of bed, look at social media or the news, I MEDITATE and Pray. It centers me, helps me block out all the noise and focus on quiet, stillness, and peace. (Daily scriptures from “Jesus is Calling”, Pray then meditate for 10mins using the app “Insight Timer”)
Solo/ No Travel Companion
This is completely out of my comfort zone and I've only done it on a small scale. I have gone out to the movies, a couple bars, and the park, all solo (baby steps). I do plan on taking a vacation solo, I feel like it would be good for me. Some ME time-time to really reflect on my priorities and goals.
Therapy is hard, emotionally exhausting and scary because you are opening up wounds. You are truly seeing yourself (the good and the bad) and then you have to be okay with forgiving yourself. When you do that, the healing of those wounds begins. Good therapy forces you to be open, honest, and humble. YES, you have to humble yourself and take constructive criticism but the entire process can be very rewarding; at least it has been for me. To me it feels like a rebirth. Like the phoenix rising from the ashes.
Enjoy the Journey,