Getting adjusted to the “single life” again has not been easy at all. Actually, it has required me to be more creative. It has forced me to move outside my comfort zone and try different things. I’ve never had a problem dining out alone, catching a movie by myself or shopping alone, but going out solo has always been an uncomfortable thought. As a result, I have never done it until recently. A lot of my friends are married so I tend not to bother them that often and my single friends are always on the go like me. So that leaves me, myself, and I to my own devices.
There are only so many nights I can take sitting in the house, I had to get out! So last Friday I decided to check out a lounge that I would typically attend with friends. I wasn’t nervous about it; I just didn’t want to feel lonely. And you know what, I didn’t at all! I actually met some cool people, had some good conversations and left feeling empowered!
When venturing out you have to have an open mind, no expectations and follow a few unspoken ground rules:
Rule 1: Do not tell your parents or paranoid friends that you intend to go out alone. They might sike you out of doing it because they are scary acting! (My mother is always telling me about something she saw on “America’s Most Wanted”, thanks ma.) Tell someone your plans just not them!
Rule 2: Select a venue that’s guaranteed to be crowded with the types of people and personalities you are comfortable with being around. A place with live music, dope DJ would be ideal or some other form of entertainment.
Rule 3: Aim to arrive and leave at a decent time. You are a woman going out alone; you still need to be careful. No need to shut down the spot.
Rule 4: Sit at the bar. (Never at a table unless you just don’t want to be bothered) The bar is where the fun starts and ends! It’s where you will meet people and get some good conversations going. So sit back, order an app or two, chat it up with the bartender and chill.
Rule 5: Engage in some form of dull activity that prompts curiosity but not intimidation. So — yes to notes for your next blog post, no to the LSAT study guide. Your move is to be casually reading and jotting things down while maintaining a look of openness to the questions. (Stay off your phone/social media please! That’s so blah.)
Rule 6: Set a time or drink limit and do not move. Your mantra: this is not weird. Think of the bar as a much-more-fun coffee shop. You would have no problem at all sitting alone at Starbucks. (If you would, get over it! Stay committed to the process.) The bar is just like that but people get drunk, feel bold, and talk to each other.
Rule 7: Repeat rules one through six until you meet the person with whom you’ll spend the rest of your life. When people ask you how you met, make something up. Nobody wants to meet the love of their life in a bar. LOL! Just kidding, have fun with the process, don't take it too seriously.
At the end of the day, going out solo is not necessarily about meeting “my future husband”. It’s about me continuing to LIVE despite whatever craziness that is going on in my life. It’s about me being comfortable with my sexuality, confident and fiercely independent. By practicing the art of “going out alone,” I’m answering to no one but MYSELF, leaving my life to be that of a blank, unpredictable canvas colored only by magnificent opportunities, powerful experiences.
So are you ready to leave the crew at home and venture out alone? Tell me more!
Enjoy the Journey,